Hard Day
July 27, 2004 - 11:28 pm

Today was hard. I'll I want is to lay down in bed and fall asleep, but I can't. My mind is running. Joe Cocker on the radio. I want someone to think I am beautiful. But more than that? I just want someone to be excited at the sheer thought of me. Like I am at so many other people. People fasinate me, but I fasinate noone. or I'm fasinating the wrong people. whatever it is, i'm failing big time at it. I don't know what I want, that's why I am single. I am single becuase noone can love me. I am single becuase noone wants to be with a fatty, noone wants to be with someone who doesn't have thier life together, noone wants to be with someone who isn't achieving anything....I am that person. I am so stupid. what is wrong with me? why can't i get it together?

I can see what's wrong with me, and I want to change it, but can't justify it enough for someone else. does that make any sense? my eye lids have little red dots on them....from stress and not eating no doubt. I like the fact that I punish myself good. I need to be punished for everything bad that I do. I should work more, I should work harder and not eat as much.

yesterday - tomorrow