Lonliness
September 23, 2004 - 9:52 pm

sometimes we all want to rewind certain things that happen in life. i'd like to rewind my whole life at certain points.

points when i've said something wrong, or done something bad....so i could wipe the slate clean and start over.

sometimes i wish i could even change certain things about myself. things like my size, my shape, me.

changing myself would only imply that i am not a perfect person. which i am not. so it seems perfectly fair to want to change certain things about me in order to gain the likes of something, or someone else. but why?

both of my boys said that i have a pretty face....but neither one of them commented on me as a person. do i not exsist as a person? maybe i don't and that is why people treat me like spam. like i don't exsist...like my feelings aren't important.

is all this thought rational? or am I insane? Am I moving along? or am I stuck in this pain?

I am my own broken heart, everything is falling apart, life as we know it is over, all because of me.

I wish I could change the way you feel, but you would only hurt me more. I'll never live up to your standards...I'll always be your whore.

I'm the one you see in the dark
you never see my face
you always grab and pull at my hair
we have to have sex as if it was a race

there are no gental touches
as you grab me by the neck
you throw me down upon my knees
and tell me to suck your dick

as I start a tear rolls down my face
all i want is to be loved by you
not on my knees in disgrace

I'm the one you see in the dark
you'll never caress my face
for you don't care about me
for you it's only a race

yesterday - tomorrow