Is it just me?
August 22, 2004 - 12:07 am

So I was thinking to myself...: The only reason why people make big changes in thier lives is becuase they are running from something else that's not going thier way. Or is this just me? Case in point: I was thinking tonight that I didn't want to go to a Washington chat room becuase I'm so fucking sick of what Spokompton has to offer me, rather, I'd visit an Oregon chat room, kinda like a rememberence of living there and spending the biggest part of my life (so far..) there. I had fantasised, briefly, about meeting someone who lived there and who would want me, and in return want me to move back down there...but then reality set in and not only is that highly impossible, but I realized I had thought that becuase I wanted to go out tonight, I wanted to hang out tonight with friends, and instead, ended up hanging out with the roomies, not that this is a bad thing, but they are, sorta, home bodies, but what really set me off on this tangent, was the fact, that noone has called me. It's very upsetting to me when people don't call me, even to say they are assing out on me. But not even this is bothering me....what's really bothering me is the fact that I really wanted to go out, have fun and then enjoy my day off tomarrow but instead, I was stuck with the roomies, with high hopes of someone (ANYONE!!) calling me and saving me....i wanted someone to call and say, "hey, let's hang!!" and i wanted it to be some certain someones who haven't called...who shall remain nameless. I am heartbroken. I feel used. I feel unimportant. My roomie says that there is someone out there for me....but how will I know? I'm so knee deep in shit I wouldn't know happiness if it bit me on the nose...I wouldn't know fate, but I have tempted it quite often. I am my broken heart. Alone, quiet....destitute...desperate.

yesterday - tomorrow