Dear God 2
April 05, 2006 - 10:01 am

Dear God,

When I was 14, you introduced me to boy named Adam. Leo, birthday in October. My first real boyfriend and we were together through highschool. When I was 16, he asked me to marry him, and I thought he was nuts. He never had a car, and wasn't really doing anything with himself while we were together. I don't know why I thought he should be doing more, but I did, and when I was 18, Jerry came into my life. Aquarius, birthday January 21st. At that point in my life, he was wonderful. He had a job and a car. Soon we had our own apartment together and we're planning to get married. A short 6 months after I graduated highschool, Jerry and I were married in the Chapel of Love in Reno Nevada, November 6, 1998. 6 months later, we were separated and a year and a half later we were divorced. Shortly before the final divorce, Chris arrived. birthday March 10, Picses. Chris took me to my first live basketball game with the Blazers, he also taught me how to understand sports and Robert DiNero. At the time, Chris was just finding out who he was as a person. 2 years later it ended abruptly and I met Nathan. Aquarius, birthday January 21st. Nathan was going through a divorce and we became friends over a football game. He was a Beavers fan, I was a Duck fan. We moved in together 2 weeks after we met and he swore that this was the last relationship he ever wanted to be in and that he loved me so very much. Later that same year, I found how much he really loved me. He had been sleeping with this woman he worked with for 3 months prior to telling me. After we parted, and I tied up all the loose ends, I stayed single for about year or so. On my 22nd Birthday you brought me Robert, Scorpio, September birthday (I think). The same year we were together, I lost my job and moved to Spokane. Rob came along and swore his love as well. But Rob never seem to have a job, or be able to take care of himself. His situation soon came to my attention as I was working 3 jobs to take care of us and he was doing virtually nothing to help me out. He had a few jobs here and there, and helped out when he could. But again, I ran into a problem, where I thought he needed to be doing more with his life than he was. About a year later we broke up. I spent another year in Spokane living with friends.
Hello Mike. birthday in January. Aquarius. But Mike was unavailable, as he was married. He said that he "liked" me, but couldn't love me. Understandable. I didn't want him to leave his wife. I don't really know what I wanted from him, but I knew that I loved him deeply. And it broke my heart when I moved and left him behind. I knew from the beginning he had no feelings for me and was only using me. I moved home in December of 04. June of 05 produced Spencer. Leo. Birthday July 28th. Spencer and I met online. The same day we had coffee and a movie. He has 1 blue eye and 1 green eye. Spencer taught me about books and movies. He taught me that long drives don't really have to have a place to end, just a beginning and a lot of good road music. I suppose the point of the letter, God, is that you keep bringing these people into my life, who start out wonderful, but end up leaving, or I have to leave them, and I just wanted to ask you, why this keeps happening to me? I know that you love me, and it's unconditional. But all I really want for myself is a love of my own. Someone who loves me for who I am, and I know you do, but I would like to love someone who lives where I do. Someone I can play with. Someone I can watch movies with. Someone who wants to plan life with me. Please help me to see my faults and improve them on a daily basis. Please help me understand that maybe there isn't just 1 person out there for me, and that being alone isn't really all that bad. And for as much as I don't like the possible idea of being alone, I could get used to it.

yesterday - tomorrow