A rash of endless thoughts for a Saturday
2004-05-08 - 11:50 a.m.

So as you can see, I've been riding the emotional rollarcoaster of life. Still hate my job, although a book that I am currently reading is casting a new light on how to take change and make it work for you, as well as improving my attitude.

I still have little patience for the people I work with and as far as this weekend goes, am not looking to flying down to my sisters house nor talking to anyone who might call...especially "best friends". I'm not looking forward to going to cali becuase of the spending issues i have. Hell, I'm 24 and I can't even manage money right. What the Hell is wrong with me?? Sometimes I just want to take a dive off my porch, but then remember that the people living down staires are "church going" folk and they would probably look down upon me for commiting suicide. who cares....right? it's my life. so with that said. I am frantically trying to find something to do that doesn't take money, or gas...seeing how gas is 2 dollars a gallon here and I am deathly cheap....not as cheap as my sister, God love her, but cheap. There is litterally nothing to do. I've been up since 6:30 this morning, writing. And becuase I don't have online access at home, i have to write on my lousey computer there, save it to a disk and then run down to the local library to post. So as we see...it doesn't always happen daily, but I'm working on it. I've already read the paper, twice, drank a pot of coffee, ate yogurt and two pieces of dry wheat toast...i had to get out of the house before i ate again. Jesus it's bad enough I ate that much. I should have just stuck with the yogurt and coffee...or better yet, coffee. SO....in effort to try and lose weight the healty way, I've been taking vitamins, weight loss pills, have myself on somewhat of a strict diet all thru the week (although I tend to wonder off course when Ash & Bri call) and have been riding my bike to work. 4-5 miles each way. I've lost 5 pounds. YEAH ME. Still lonely in the LOVE department. thinking about going to one of those matchmaking things, where you fill out something and they match you up with someone...hell, I can do that for free, if I had guts...hmmm, not much of that around here lately. Where the hell do you meet people anymore if you don't go to the bar and you work a lot? OH BTW, all the married men that I used to fantasize about at work are gone. the only one left if MR. Chavez....God is he adorable or what?? I mentioned that I might move back home soon, and he said that they were trying to get rid of a cat...OPPORTUNITY!!! I could take the cat with me, home, and then always have a piece of Mr. Chavez...this was a great idea until my friend reminded me that wifey poo also pets the cat...KILLED THAT DREAM DEAD IN THE WATER. Now it's not worth moving back home. How silly is that thought? His mom is bailing on the company and moving to alaska...how scarey is that. I am scared that the company is in a downward spiral to hell and one day i'm going to come to work and find a forclosure sign on the door. JUST MY LUCK!!! what to do, what to do. Been trying to find a new job, but guess I just don't have what it takes...so I thought i might go back to school, and then i sat down and tried to budget for at least one class a semester and couldn't even afford that. FUCKING BILLS. OK, so not to worry. I'm going to do it anyways. I have a better handle on money and bills that what I lead on. it's just that sometimes I get myself into pickles that cause me to be late on certin things...like this month, i was late on the rent. and the car payment..ok...who am i kidding. money. the root of all evil. I swear. Plan for the day: finish detail cleaning my house; work on quilt; watch a movie; mb buy somemore rice and vegies to continue the stent of healthy eating. sounds like a plan.

yesterday - tomorrow