Forgiveness
November 29, 2004 - 11:06 pm

People are going to use any means necessary to be happy in thier lives. I can understand and support that with full enthusiasm. I myself am one of these people. I do what makes me happy, so what if it's not high rise living, or if it's perfect. It's what fits me.
I think that sometimes people lose sight of what's really going on here. Life is so short. If we spend it all in anger, guilt, sadness, lonliness, regret...nothing will ever get accomplished, we will always move backwards as a species. It's like my definition of unconditional love: Unconditional love is loving someone for thier imperfections as well as thier perfections. sounds easy doesn't it? well it's not. I wonder how I can love some people...honestly, the only person I really hate is Jared Crocker...and not becuase he always made fun of me in school, and not becuase he was the sole reason for my nick name of "free willy"....but becuase my 8th grade year in school, he asked me to a dance, danced with me and then never spoke to me again. Even looking back now, I'm not really sure I even hate him as much as I used to. although, it's hard to let the "free willy" thing go...yes i was fat, did we need to make a spectical of it? probably not. point taken.
Do I forgive my husband for impregnating another woman? yes. will I ever forget that he betrayed me this way? never. I will never forget that.
Do I forgive Adam for all of his faults? how he never had a job, never had a car, never had a life? our torrid relationship we shared? yes. will i ever forget him, or what we shared? no.
How about Nathan? Do i forgive him for his indiscretions? Do i forgive someone who said he loved me for a year and then magically moved on the day after christmas? How do I forgive someone who so carefully cut my heart out and disected it right in front of me? but I did. I forgave him. but I will never forget.
I forgive everyone at one point or another. I'm not perfect (though striving for perfection is never a bad thing) but at least I understand what unconditional love and forgiveness is. Forgiving someone allows you to move forward. I'm not sure it makes you the bigger person, cause you sure don't feel like it, but it allows your heart to grow with the rest of your body once again.

I feel no regret for what I am doing, only wish I could do more. I wish everyone thought like me, although my thinking is very open and uninhibited I could see waves of crisis. But don't you think if we were all just a little more honest with each other, we would serve in each other's happiness? Even though if we were truely honest with each other, our heads would explode, relationships would end, whole cities might come tumbling to the ground in a crash of what used to be lies that once held them up.
You would have to cut loose the feelings and only keep yours in check, but in doing that, you risk losing friends, lovers, people. But I can guarntee that in the end, it would all be ok.

yesterday - tomorrow