Just a Girl
April 06, 2005 - 10:10 pm

She rises from a restless sleep to begin, yet another day in her life. Strangly which has become like that of a silent movie, so much is going on, but no sound is emitting from the picture.
Everyday the same routine for the past 4 months.
Day in and day out in the same house, which is becoming more like a rats cage lately. Everytime she turns around, someone is there. She just wants a moment to herself. She just wants to be at peace, she just wants to be alone. She really wants to die but what good would that do her?
Everyday she puts on her face and does her hair. She smiles sadly to herself in the mirror and trys to tell herself that today will be different. But it never is, no matter how hard she trys to change herself or her feelings.
She is detached from herself, from her feelings, from her life.
Her life reflects a painting from Dali, so many influences, so many directions, nothing makes sense, but it's saying something to the people staring curiously at it. Like those people who look at those fuzzy pictures and try to make out the picture behind it.
She never got those either. It's like she's been on the outside her entire life.
She is a classic case of combination low self esteem and self loathing. Everyday she tells herself how much she loves herself, when in all reality, she could care less. She mistakens attention and sex for love. She isn't very bright in that department. She is easily manipulated, pushed around, faked out. No one really belives in her. She is the shy kid in high school who hides it with a big mouth and hardly any friends.
She hides behind her facade everyday. She hides her true self from everyone. She doesn't know her true self.
She becomes less interested in the surroundings of her everyday life, and more obsessed in how she can develop ways to cover up her sadness.
She wants so badly to be accepted by someone for who she is, and what she is. She is but just a girl, with a heart, with feelings. She lives, she breaths.

yesterday - tomorrow